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Fic: [SGA] Unexpected Direction (PG)

Title: An Unexpected Direction
Author: skinscript
Rating: G
Spoilers: 5.11 The Lost Tribe
Wordcount: 400-ish
Posted to: sga_episodefic, mckay_sheppard
Genre: Humour, Friendship
Summary: John tries to brag about Larrin. Rodney takes the conversation in an entirely unexpected direction.



"So. Apparently, Larrin talks about me." John felt justifiably smug.

"Huh." McKay seemed unimpressed. John decided it was because he wasn't paying attention. Ronon grunted and took a long drink of his juice.

"I said, Larrin talks about me. To the other Travellers." John prodded. "All the time."

This time Rodney looked up. "Ok," he said, waving a hand dissmissively. "Isn't that wonderful, yadda yadda. Congratulations on reaching the virtual age of twelve." He took a swig of his coffee. "Anyway. I don't like her." He returned to poking at his laptop.

"You don't..." John choked on his bite of bagel, fought it back down to where it was supposed to go. "You don't like her? Why not?"

Rodney growled with irritation and slammed the laptop lid closed. "Why not? How about that she's kidnapped you... twice! And both times has tied you up and had you beaten! Now, unless you like that sort of thing..." His eyes widened comically and practically bugged out of his head in horrified fascination. "Oh. My. GOD! You DO, don't you? You LIKE it!"

John frowned, wondering how he'd lost control of the conversation so thoroughly so quickly. "Rodney, I..."

But McKay was on a roll. "I knew it! I mean, I knew you had some kinky traits, but honestly, I was thinking more like toys or maybe blindfolding, possibly cross dressing, cause no one comments on decor so much and doesn't like SILK, but tied up and punched around..."

As his voice rose, others in the cafeteria started to notice. Heads turned, eyebrows raised. John tried to sink lower in his chair. Rodney steamrollered on.

"Or, ooh! I know! I could see you being into knifeplay or gunplay, with the whole soldier thing..."

John felt his face burning. "Rodney!"

"Or maybe tattoos, or, or... oh! I know! Furries!"

"WHAT?"

"You know, furries! That's where people dress up in full-body costumes and then..."

"Yes, I know furries!"

"I had a feeling you did." McKay waggled his eyebrows.

"That's not what I ... Look. Shut up."

"Ha! No problem." Rodney guzzled the last of his coffee and tucked his laptop under his arm. "Hey. Let me know if you need any help finding .. uh." He gestured vaguely. "Material. It's amazing what people upload to the server. I could help you out." He strode out.

Was Rodney seriously offering to find him porn???

John rubbed his forehead and wished fervently for an aspirin. Or, possibly, a handful.

Ronon finished his bagel and leaned toward John. "So," he said confidentially, "Being tied up and hit. You like that, huh?"

-30-


Comments

( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
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meekosan
Oct. 17th, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
ROFL!!! I don't think aspirin will be helping John now...He just entered narcland with Ronon's interest peaked!

Thanks sooo much! You totally made my crappy day shine!
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
Yeah, I can see it only getting worse. Cause of course, Ronon would also want to know what furries are. And an ever-helpful Zelenka would go into excruciating detail. Poor John!
alphapack
Oct. 17th, 2008 03:28 am (UTC)
love it!
I love this!

Thank you for writing this.
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
Re: love it!
You're welcome!
crownglass39
Oct. 17th, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
Too funny! I can totally see this happening too!
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
And it would just go on and on, and John would become more and more embarrassed... I like to think of that happening after Lost Tribe cause I was so sick of hearing him go ON about Larrin!

I hope they don't plan to have him run away with her or something.
merrymeerkat
Oct. 17th, 2008 03:35 am (UTC)
LMAO, oh God, poor John. Sequel??? :D Pretty please?
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:03 am (UTC)
Ha! He deserved it. :)

Sequel = unlikely this time, I'm afraid. But stay tuned - I've been wrong before!

Thanks
seekergeek
Oct. 17th, 2008 04:05 am (UTC)
Hah! I was just telling my flist that that John's continually asking if Larrin talked about him proved that he was into D/s as the sub! Fannish hivemind FTW!
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:04 am (UTC)
\o/

He SO is. The vibe is totally there!

Thanks
ex_rogerpit
Oct. 17th, 2008 05:15 am (UTC)
I wouldn't be surprised if the Ancient database had its own version of porn. You just know the hologram room had other uses...
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
I'll bet there is fanfic out there about it already, too. Might make a good search at SGA Genre Finders. :)

outsideth3box
Oct. 17th, 2008 05:26 am (UTC)
*is ded from hilarious*

*luffs Rodney to bits and pieces*

Poor in-denial bottom!John.
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:05 am (UTC)
I love Rodney and his complete lack of internal censor SO MUCH!

I'm glad you liked it!
(Deleted comment)
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
It would be awesome if the writers decided to do something like this!

Glad you liked it, and glad I could give you a laugh!
rellan
Oct. 17th, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
Furries?! OMG!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Go Rodney.
skinscript
Oct. 18th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
They came to mind randomly... have you ever seen the youtube video of Chris Judge learning about Furries? It's SO funny.

:)
(no subject) - rellan - Oct. 18th, 2008 02:15 am (UTC) - Expand
ladyoflisquill
Oct. 17th, 2008 09:18 am (UTC)
OMG! Hilarious. SO many lines in this almost made me laugh out loud (dangerous thing to do in work) but this one is my favourite; "possibly cross dressing, cause no one comments on decor so much and doesn't like SILK"
skinscript
Oct. 21st, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I was going to make a comment about his hair, but that would have been too easy. On the other hand, the guy is a closet interior decorator, I'm sure of it. :)

nora_charles
Oct. 17th, 2008 09:42 am (UTC)
Hahaha, great ^_^
Rodney really is a very accepting and considerate friend, isn't he?
skinscript
Oct. 21st, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
I have the feeling he is, yep. :D

Now we just need to have John walk in on Rodney in his plushie suit...
trystings
Oct. 17th, 2008 10:47 am (UTC)
Bhahahahaha, only Rodney can take 'Larrin talks about me' to Furrysubporn in three seconds.
skinscript
Oct. 21st, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)
I know! He is totally my hero. And, to a certain extent, my internal monologue, too... *laughing*
debris_k
Oct. 17th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC)
LMAO! And I haven't even seen the ep yet, but I always take a chance on your fics (just saw 'First Contact' yesterday - Caldwell crawling through duct vents makes *much* more sense now - great story that one as well) and I'm just blown away by the utter humorous Rodneyness of this piece! Only *Rodney* could take John's gloating and turn in upside down into a kink discussion and the porn trade. *huge thumbs up*
skinscript
Oct. 21st, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I hope you still like it after seeing the epiosde, too. :) The Caldwell one will make more sense again after you see Lost Tribe.

I love how Rodney can take the most innocuous topic and rip it to pieces and turn it into something new in no time flat. *hugs McKay tight*

Thanks!
(Deleted comment)
skinscript
Oct. 21st, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Heh. You have to figure THAT topic would make people turn their heads and look... :)
accidentalfan
Oct. 17th, 2008 05:08 pm (UTC)
OMG poor John! Now all of Atlantis knows how much of a bottom he is! :)

But seriously, I totally agree with Rodney's objections to John's (oh-so-middle-school) thing for Larrin.
skinscript
Oct. 21st, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
The part of me that believes in McShep believes that John goes on about it so much as a cover. A very, very, annoying cover. Why are the romances on this show so *forced*?

Thanks! I think all of Atlantis knew it all along...
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( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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